First Time Watching Utena Confused, Angry, Sad, Powerless And More

Having just completed the monumental experience that is watching Revolutionary Girl Utena for the first time, I find myself wrestling with a whirlwind of emotions. Confusion, anger, sadness, powerlessness – and countless other feelings – have converged into a complex emotional tapestry. This series, known for its surreal imagery, intricate symbolism, and profound exploration of complex themes, leaves a lasting impression on its viewers, and my first encounter was no exception. In this reflection, I aim to unravel the threads of my initial reaction, diving into the elements that sparked such a potent emotional response.

The Labyrinth of Symbolism and Narrative

One of the primary sources of my initial confusion stems from Utena's rich tapestry of symbolism and its non-linear narrative approach. The series, on the surface, follows Utena Tenjou, a young girl who, inspired by a prince she met in her childhood, aspires to become a prince herself. This ambition leads her to Ohtori Academy, where she becomes entangled in a series of duels for the Rose Bride, Anthy Himemiya. However, beneath this seemingly straightforward plot lies a labyrinth of symbolic imagery, recurring motifs, and veiled allegories. The duels themselves, set in a floating arena accessed by an elevator that ascends through a rose-adorned pathway, are steeped in symbolism. Roses, swords, the arena, and even the characters' costumes serve as visual metaphors, each carrying layers of meaning that contribute to the series' overall thematic depth. For a first-time viewer, deciphering these symbols can feel like navigating a complex code. The series doesn't offer easy answers or explicit explanations; instead, it invites the audience to actively participate in the interpretation, piecing together the fragments of symbolism to construct their own understanding of the narrative. This ambiguity, while intellectually stimulating, can also be a source of confusion, especially when trying to grasp the characters' motivations and the underlying forces driving the plot. The narrative structure further complicates matters. Utena employs a cyclical storytelling approach, with recurring episodes and scenarios that subtly shift and evolve over time. This repetition, while effective in highlighting the characters' internal struggles and the cyclical nature of their conflicts, can also create a sense of disorientation. The audience is constantly challenged to look beyond the surface, to recognize the subtle variations and thematic resonances that connect seemingly disparate events. This requires a level of engagement and analytical thinking that can be both rewarding and, at times, overwhelming. The series also delves into complex psychological and philosophical themes, including identity, gender roles, power dynamics, and the nature of relationships. These themes are not presented in a didactic manner but are instead woven into the fabric of the narrative, emerging through the characters' actions, dialogues, and interactions. This subtle approach, while allowing for nuanced exploration, can also make it challenging to fully grasp the series' thematic concerns on a first viewing. The sheer density of ideas and symbols can feel like an information overload, leaving the viewer grappling with a multitude of interpretations and unresolved questions. In essence, Utena's brilliance lies in its ability to challenge and provoke, to resist easy categorization and simple explanations. However, this same brilliance can also be a source of confusion for the uninitiated, requiring multiple viewings and extensive contemplation to fully appreciate the series' multifaceted nature.

Anger and Frustration with Character Dynamics

My anger and frustration largely stemmed from the intricate and often toxic character dynamics within Utena. The characters in Utena are deeply flawed individuals, each grappling with their own insecurities, traumas, and desires. Their interactions are often fraught with conflict, manipulation, and emotional turmoil. This complexity, while adding depth and realism to the narrative, can also be incredibly frustrating to watch. One of the primary sources of my anger was the treatment of Anthy Himemiya, the Rose Bride. Anthy is a character who embodies passivity and self-sacrifice, often subjected to abuse and exploitation by those around her. Her seemingly unwavering willingness to endure suffering can be infuriating, especially in the face of blatant injustice. While her character arc is ultimately one of empowerment and self-discovery, the initial stages of her story are marked by a profound sense of powerlessness, which can be deeply upsetting to witness. The other characters, while not always as overtly victimized as Anthy, are also prone to making questionable choices and engaging in harmful behaviors. The student council members, for example, each harbor their own dark secrets and motivations, leading them to manipulate and betray one another in their pursuit of power. Their duels, while visually stunning, are often fueled by petty rivalries and personal grievances, highlighting the destructive nature of their ambitions. Even Utena herself, the series' protagonist, is not immune to criticism. Her unwavering idealism and her desire to become a prince can sometimes blind her to the complexities of the situations she encounters. Her attempts to rescue Anthy, while well-intentioned, are often based on a naive understanding of the Rose Bride's true nature and the forces at play within Ohtori Academy. This naiveté can lead to frustrating missteps and missed opportunities, further fueling the viewer's emotional response. The relationships between the characters are also marked by a pervasive sense of dysfunction. Romantic relationships are often characterized by possessiveness, jealousy, and a lack of genuine connection. Friendships are fragile and easily broken, susceptible to manipulation and betrayal. Family dynamics are often strained and fraught with unresolved issues. This pervasive sense of toxicity can be emotionally draining to watch, leaving the viewer feeling frustrated and even angry at the characters' inability to break free from their destructive patterns. However, it is important to recognize that this dysfunction is not gratuitous. It serves as a commentary on the societal pressures and expectations that shape the characters' behaviors. Utena explores themes of gender roles, power dynamics, and the limitations of traditional social structures. The characters' flawed relationships and harmful behaviors are a reflection of the distorted values and expectations that they have internalized. By exposing these flaws, the series challenges the viewer to question the very foundations of these social structures and to consider alternative ways of relating to one another. In essence, the anger and frustration evoked by Utena's character dynamics are a testament to the series' ability to provoke emotional engagement. The characters are not simply archetypes or plot devices; they are complex, flawed individuals whose struggles resonate with the viewer on a deeply personal level. By confronting these struggles, the series forces us to confront our own assumptions and biases, and to consider the ways in which our own relationships may be shaped by similar forces.

The Weight of Sadness and Powerlessness

The prevailing sense of sadness and powerlessness I felt after watching Utena stemmed from the characters' struggles with their predetermined fates and the cyclical nature of their conflicts. The series delves into themes of destiny, free will, and the limitations of individual agency. The characters often find themselves trapped in patterns of behavior, repeating the same mistakes and perpetuating the same cycles of violence and suffering. This sense of cyclical repetition is visually represented in the recurring duels, the unchanging setting of Ohtori Academy, and the characters' repeated dialogues and actions. It creates a feeling of inevitability, as if the characters are destined to relive the same traumas and make the same choices, regardless of their efforts to change. This sense of determinism can be deeply unsettling, especially when witnessing the characters' suffering. Their struggles to break free from their predetermined paths often feel futile, leading to a profound sense of powerlessness on the part of the viewer. The series also explores the ways in which individuals can be manipulated and controlled by external forces. The student council members, for example, are often driven by hidden agendas and secret desires, making them susceptible to manipulation by those in positions of power. Anthy Himemiya, the Rose Bride, is perhaps the most tragic example of this. She is bound by a centuries-old curse, forced to serve as a vessel for the desires of others. Her powerlessness is a constant source of sadness throughout the series, as she is repeatedly subjected to abuse and exploitation. Even Utena, despite her heroic aspirations, is not immune to the forces of destiny. Her desire to become a prince, while noble in its intent, can also be seen as a form of self-deception, blinding her to the true nature of the world around her. Her attempts to rescue Anthy are often thwarted by the machinations of others, highlighting the limitations of her individual agency. The series also grapples with the theme of sacrifice. Characters are often forced to make difficult choices, sacrificing their own happiness and well-being for the sake of others. These sacrifices, while sometimes heroic, can also be deeply tragic, leaving the viewer with a sense of sadness and loss. The ending of the series, while ultimately hopeful, is also tinged with a sense of melancholy. Utena's final act of rebellion, while breaking the cycle of duels, also comes at a great cost. She leaves Ohtori Academy, leaving behind her friends and allies, to venture into an unknown future. This bittersweet ending encapsulates the series' overall tone, leaving the viewer with a lingering sense of sadness and the realization that true freedom often requires sacrifice. In essence, the sadness and powerlessness evoked by Utena are not simply negative emotions. They are a reflection of the series' profound exploration of the human condition, its confrontation with the limitations of individual agency, and its acknowledgment of the pain and suffering that are inherent in life. By confronting these difficult emotions, Utena challenges us to reflect on our own lives, our own struggles, and our own capacity for resilience.

A Spectrum of More Emotions

Beyond the core emotions of confusion, anger, sadness, and powerlessness, Revolutionary Girl Utena evoked a whole spectrum of additional feelings. There were moments of hope and inspiration, particularly in Utena's unwavering determination to break free from societal constraints and forge her own path. Her idealism, while sometimes naive, is also infectious, inspiring the viewer to believe in the possibility of change and the power of individual action. There were also moments of joy and exhilaration, especially during the visually stunning and emotionally charged duel sequences. The duels are not simply battles; they are expressions of the characters' inner turmoil, their hopes, and their fears. The intensity of these moments can be both thrilling and cathartic, leaving the viewer feeling invigorated and emotionally spent. The series also elicited feelings of empathy and compassion for the characters, even those who are deeply flawed or morally ambiguous. Utena excels at humanizing its characters, revealing their vulnerabilities and their hidden pain. This allows the viewer to connect with them on a deeper level, to understand their motivations, and to sympathize with their struggles. Even the antagonists, such as Akio Ohtori, are presented as complex individuals with their own tragic backstories, making it difficult to simply dismiss them as villains. There were also moments of intellectual stimulation and fascination, sparked by the series' intricate symbolism and its exploration of complex themes. Utena is a series that rewards close attention and repeated viewings, revealing new layers of meaning with each encounter. The process of deciphering the symbols, unraveling the plot, and grappling with the thematic concerns can be intellectually challenging and immensely rewarding. The series also evoked feelings of discomfort and unease, particularly in its portrayal of toxic relationships, gender inequality, and the abuse of power. Utena does not shy away from difficult topics; it confronts them head-on, forcing the viewer to confront their own assumptions and biases. This can be a painful but ultimately transformative experience, leading to greater self-awareness and a deeper understanding of the world. Finally, Utena evoked a sense of wonder and awe, particularly in its surreal imagery and its dreamlike atmosphere. The series blends reality and fantasy seamlessly, creating a world that is both familiar and strange. The floating castle, the rose-adorned dueling arena, and the characters' elaborate costumes all contribute to this sense of otherworldly beauty. This visual splendor, combined with the series' profound emotional depth, creates a truly unique and unforgettable viewing experience. In conclusion, my first viewing of Revolutionary Girl Utena was an emotional rollercoaster. The series evoked a complex tapestry of feelings, from confusion and anger to sadness and powerlessness, as well as a spectrum of other emotions, including hope, joy, empathy, fascination, discomfort, and wonder. This emotional intensity is a testament to the series' brilliance, its ability to challenge and provoke, and its profound exploration of the human condition. Utena is not simply a story; it is an experience, one that will stay with me long after the credits have rolled.

A Call for Further Exploration

Having shared my initial emotional response to Revolutionary Girl Utena, I feel compelled to delve deeper into its intricacies and complexities. This first viewing has only scratched the surface of what this series has to offer. The sheer density of symbolism, the nuanced character dynamics, and the profound thematic concerns warrant multiple viewings and extensive contemplation. I am eager to revisit the series, armed with a greater understanding of its narrative structure and its symbolic language. I want to unravel the mysteries that still elude me, to decipher the hidden meanings, and to gain a more complete appreciation of Utena's artistic vision. I am also eager to engage with the Utena fan community, to share my interpretations, to learn from others, and to explore the diverse perspectives that this series has inspired. The online forums and discussion groups dedicated to Utena are a testament to its enduring legacy and its ability to foster meaningful conversations. I believe that engaging with these communities will enrich my understanding of the series and allow me to connect with other viewers who share my passion. Furthermore, I am interested in exploring the broader context of Utena's creation, delving into the influences that shaped its development and its place within the anime canon. The series is often cited as a seminal work of feminist anime, and I am eager to learn more about its contributions to this genre and its impact on subsequent works. I am also interested in exploring the works of Kunihiko Ikuhara, the series' director, to gain a better understanding of his artistic style and his recurring themes. His other works, such as Sailor Moon R and Penguindrum, are known for their similar blend of surreal imagery, complex character dynamics, and thematic depth. By exploring these works, I hope to gain a broader appreciation for Ikuhara's unique vision and his contributions to the world of anime. Ultimately, my first viewing of Utena has sparked a journey of discovery, a quest to unravel its mysteries and to fully appreciate its artistic brilliance. I am confident that this is a series that will continue to challenge, provoke, and inspire me for years to come. The emotions I experienced were intense, yes, but they were also a sign of a truly powerful work of art – one that lingers in the mind and heart long after the final episode.